Who Says ?!?

Guest Blogger This Week is Leah Shapiro of DefyTheBox.com

Lately, I have been having conversations with people about the places that feel crappy in their lives.  It doesn’t matter what part of their life they are speaking about, the story is always the same-

This is what I have to put up with in order to have the: job, money,  family, relationship, or the lifestyle that I want.

My response to them is: “Who says?”

I want to know who made up this rule!

The one that says you “have to” put up with something in your life that feels bad on a regular basis in order to have what you desire.

It appears like lots of people have bought into this rule! I see people struggling with this on a daily basis. They dread going to work, or they are not getting the affection they desire from their relationship. They may feel stuck in something or uninspired by their life. They settle for a less than satisfying situation because they think that is the only option. Then they suffer through it.

I wonder when it became “OK” to feel like that? I have to imagine that on some level you feel that it  is OK for parts of your life to feel crappy if you resign yourself to staying in that place.

I was stuck in this trap too!

I had bought into the story that  certain things in life were supposed to feel bad especially work!  They don’t call it work for nothing right?

I thought I was supposed to make things happen by working long hard hours and always striving. You always took the highest paying job no matter if you liked it or not, because it was all about the money. It did not matter that I was exhausted, disconnected, uninspired, watching too much TV and needing to get “my party on” a few times a week.

I was stuck in a story that said this was just how life was.

I had to suffer, tune out, feel stuck, and be uninspired so that I could do the things I was supposed to do in order to have the things I wanted in life. It seemed to me that everyone around me was caught up in a similar situation.

Boy did it feel crappy!

Funny thing is, I was so caught up in this story that I did not really know the difference. I thought that was how life was supposed to be. Sometimes, I would suspect that there could be more to life. I would glimpse it every now and then in other peoples eye’s, but I could never figure out what it was exactly.

A New Perspective

Then I read a really cool book called the Four Agreements . It suggested to me that life was meant to feel good. I did not have to struggle in order to have what I wanted. I could make my own rules for how I lived my life.Opening up to this possibility shifted many things for me.

I made the choice to find a different work environment that felt better to me and I still made money. It was no longer OK to feel stuck. If it felt bad on a regular basis- something had to change. I had to change. I began working with a coach. I started to question my old story that said work was supposed to be hard and I had to suffer through in order to be successful.

Now my Reality is Different!

I no longer struggle against things that feel bad. I know that there is always a solution and it is possible to find a different way of approaching things. It does not mean I abandon something, but rather find a new way of approaching it that works for me.

If something is not feeling right, I determine what will make it feel better and I take steps to change it. I am back in a place of choice.

I make the rules for my life now. My number 1 rule is that I feel good in every aspect of my life.

What’s your number 1 rule going to be? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

Leah Shapiro works with rebelicious, rule breaking, free-spirited entrepreneurs who buck the system and are ready to make some serious money! Leah shows you how to attract more freedom, fun and cash by boldly flying your freak flag in your business.  When she is not focused on working with clients, and writing for her blog you can find her making pottery, playing with her two cats or whipping up something delicious in the kitchen. A self admitted hedonist, Leah is frequently off engaging in pleasurable pursuits and is known to be a mighty temptress.

You can find Leah at –http://www.DefytheBox.com


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  1. Hi Kristi, I found that becoming a health coach was really a stepping stone, not the final destination. It took me years to be able to let go of my health coach identity, but really it was just a skin I needed to shed. Follow your intuition, it never steers us wrong. I truly believe we all have an inner compass. As my business coach David Neagle says, “fear and doubts don’t come from spirit”.

    Embrace your vision and be open to seeing where it leads you. 🙂 I’d be happy to support you, let me know if there is anything I can do to help you move forward with such a beautiful purpose. My mom died of cancer at 58. Holistic health coaching is so needed!!

  2. Thanks for stopping by Phyllis, it’s always great to see you. 🙂

  3. Hi Kristi,

    Stop beating yourself up and go for your dream!! You didn’t waist your time. Going to school and learning about being a health coach was just what you needed to move you forward. You can’t get it wrong! It’s all part of your ever expanding journey.
    Raise up that freak flag and go for what you really want to do.

    Rock on!

  4. Hi Leah and Cheryl,
    Thanks so much for sharing this as it is exactly what I am needing to hear right now! I’ve been trained to be a health coach, but honestly I don’t find it fun at all! I’m struggling with myself, telling myself to just suck it up and just do it! I mean I spent all that money to go to school and all that time building a business based on what I was taught only to find that it doesn’t light me up! But instead of flying my freak flag and rebelling, I’m beating myself up for not wanting to be a health coach.

    What I want to do is start a non-profit that feeds cancer patients at treatment facilities and in their homes and HIRES health coaches to work with families dealing with cancer!

    Lots of Gratitude!

  5. Great article.

    This book first showed up for me in a previous corporate career.

    Later I found myself sharing it with clients.

    Thanks for the reminder to re-read it. I love that it’s a quick read, the kind you can keep in your pocket-book for waiting situations.

  6. It my pleasure to share this with your readers Cheryl!

    I like your #1 Rule- Fun IS Better!!!!

    Rock on!

  7. Thanks Leah for sharing your fantastic article with my readers! I love that you mention The Four Agreements, and how it inspired you to change your mindset and your action plan. I love how mastering mindset is the KEY to all success.

    My #1 rule is to always have fun. If something isn’t fun, I know I Need to delegate or find a way to make it MORE fun. 🙂

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